Movie Review: Where the Wild Things Are

See, I didn't want to go into Where the Wild Things Are with any premonitions. I read reviews by people that all pointed towards the “this movie sucks” category, but they mostly related to it not being good for kids. Seeing as how it has been many years since I was a kid, the reviews that mentioned the word Oscar were the ones that appealed to me. When someone starts saying that Spike Jonze should be nominated for an Oscar, I might give a little listen. After all, I like some of his videos and love his films. The guy seems to have a great way with camera and especially mood on camera.

Allow me to set the record straight. Where the Wild Things Are was the worst film I have ever seen. Imagine if you took all the joy out of a children's book, made every character an indie emo tool, put a kid with no acting talent at the forefront and combined it with a horrible score and soundtrack and there you have WTWTA.

First, there was nothing good about this film. The cinematography was only palatable. There was a dimness and desolation set with the light and cameras in the beginning that looked promising, but as I was treated to a wide-eyed, emo-haircut, effeminate looking boy with emotional problems brought on by his own brattiness, I couldn't help but wonder if I had just wasted my money. I did waste it because the movie went nowhere from there.

What followed was a bratty kid running away to a place where the most boring creatures ever exist, whose only purpose is to sit sullenly at intervals in the movie so that Max can go console them yet not offer one good word of advice. Seriously there was no point to this movie. How it has at the time of this blog a 8.1 rating on imdb.com is pretty simple. Indie-hipsters were going to jump on this like flies on shit because anything stolen from a different time is cool to them and WTWTA is that (referring to the book of course), and they saw previews for the movie with the same things that are appealing to the hipster mindset (Arcade Fire song played over preview, shots of kid wearing 80's outdoor clothing, the outdoors which are appealing to every hipster, and orange and brown hues of sunset which are mainstays in all videos trying to appeal to hipsters) so they went on imdb and insisted this was a great movie before it even came out. Does this make them bad? No, they genuinely wanted this movie to be good, and since hipsters are perpetual children, I bet some were disappointed. The others just convinced themselves it was good no matter what, because that is what many of us do when we really want to enjoy something.

Oh but no, the hipsters are not to blame for this movie sucking. If anything they have the most right to be angry, because this movie was targeted at them and many of them will still see it just because they refuse to believe it can be bad.

This movie is of no importance. It has no meaning. Rarely do I want to leave a movie so soon after it has started hoping something good will happen. Nothing good ever happens. This movie made me want to walk out without even knowing what would happen. The characters have no redeeming qualities whatsoever and this is all on Dave Eggers, another writer in that whole gen-x wanna-be hipster genre that David Sedaris has so raped minds with. This guy has always been an over-rated lout and this story only solidifies that. I would like someone to tell me how anyone could enjoy a film where characters talk about happiness but never quite define what it is other than it being gone. Oooh, lets give them humanistic names to be even more clever!!!!

Oh and the soundtrack? Fucking sucked. Dumb bitch from Yeah Yeah Yeahs sucks, has always sucked, will always suck and it was yet another worm to dangle for the hipsters having her do the soundtrack.

I mean, I could not imagine a movie sucking this much. If you see it and you like it, you are an idiot. If you see it and don't hate it, you are an idiot. I forever lose respect for Spike Jonze, Katherine Keener, Katherine O'Hara, James Gandolfini and others for being part of this film. I will judge people by this movie. Because if you liked it, you are full of shit and stupid. Maybe a movie shouldn't be such a judge of such things but this one was that bad.

Worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. Period.

The Dumbest Article I Have Ever Read 13:Worst article of the whole year award

Update: According to some emails and a comment, Jess Harvell is a guy. What guy would go by Jess? Well just do a google image search and you will find out. Anyway, thanks for those who informed me of this, but at the same time, how sad is it that you guys knew? Gender changed upon edit per suggestion.

I like Pitchfork.com. I really do. But sometimes you read a review SO pretentious and useless that you have to point it out. This article is that.

Now it must be said that I like Zero 7 and that prior reviews of them were way wrong. While Pitchfork does pick out some gems occasionally, one must recommend you listen to the music yourself and not even give the review a look, let alone the number rating. I mean, no album from Radiohead should get a 10 when an album by the New York Dolls is only getting a 6.

But Jess Harvell's review is so vapid and useless that I think he seriously wrote it with an online Thesaurus next to him. He didn't write the review to convey any information but to make a shitty attempt at trying to sound smart.

"All these reheated ideas wouldn't be so bad in the aggregate if the band attacked the material with the slightest verve, rather than the pop-slumming loop-heads they come off as here. "

What? How about just saying "They could have used a little more energy instead of relying on the looped music to do the work?"

This is the problem with both post-modernism and hipsterdom. They have nothing intelligent to say and have no intelligent way of saying it yet want to come off as saying something intelligent in an intelligent way. Just be straight forward and if you want to be poetic, write poetry.

The other hipster thing to do? Use lots of references that have no actual application to anything in the music, but it makes you feel good about your music knowledge:

"some horrorshow mix of vaguely post-Amy Winehouse, generically sassy R&B vocals and a cod-glam/Marc Bolan beat that was at least marginally interesting when Goldfrapp swiped it from German techno six years ago. ("Medicine Man" more or less repeats the exact same formula without a hint of shame.) "Swing" is the sort of winsome nuevo twee-pop that turned the Juno soundtrack into a glorified ATM for its compilers, shoved through overly glossy George Martin pastiche that dangerously ups the saccharine level. "Everything Up (Zizou)" is low-impact dance-rock with every possible edge shorn off. "Sleeper" is the bad blog-house remix of rock band du jour. (I hear the Gossip, yr mileage may vary.) And the overall vibe is: Every 2000s trendlet must go!"

I have heard this album. I like this album. I also like T-Rex and let me assure you, there is no attempt at T-Rex going on in this music. I have no clue who the fuck Goldfrapp is or what it is, but then again most readers don't either. And "winsome nuevo twee-pop?" What the fuck are you talking about?

Here is the funny thing, if you knew Jess, who I can imagine is a vegetarian with Kerouac and Warhol lining up his bookshelf and you called him out in it, I am sure he would respond with you just not getting it or make up a word to call you like, "Dickey, you are just so bourgeois-spasto-rado-epi-congratulatory-cinquenta!" Why? Because he is constantly reading too much post-modern crap and thinks he has to try to think that way but really he is worried someone is going to realize he isn't that bright.

Congratulations, Jess. You win my worst article of the year award. You are a disgrace to the good reviewers at Pitchfork and to anyone with a good knowledge of discourse you should get this award. You are so disgraceful at writing reviews that you just won the award that you inspired me to give. There was no worst article of the year award until yours was so bad that you just inspired it.

I will enjoy seeing Zero 7 in concert next month by the way, looking for any "trendlet." Dumb ass bitch.

LNAEMO 38: Randoms

- Here is an interesting question to ask yourself: Is there such thing as a good Jim Jarmusch film? I have heard from one person that Ghost Dog was good, but after having seen three of his films, I won't give another a chance (Broken Flowers, Dead Man, and The Limits of Control). I find it surprising that many of his films have been elevated to Criterion Collection status, but then again so is The Life Aquatic (which sucked, no matter what you might be brainwashed into believing).

I just don't understand how this man gets labeled as an auteur when his films are boring, pointless, dry as stale bread, unmarketable pieces of garbage where everyone pretty much does nothing and the movie ends. I don't even know anyone who says they are a Jarmusch fan, but if I did, I would immediately assume that person lacked a pulse or just wanted to sound special.

- Woodstock wasn't that big of a deal, didn't change the world, and only has one indication: making small people believe that smoking weed, dropping LSD, and listening to music in the mud can somehow affect something other than themselves. The story though is relevant today as we see a new generation of do-nothings compete for the title of "World's Biggest Pointless Person" as they try to convince themselves they are affecting change. When I was in college, I wrote a blog about how the generation after mine whined a lot but had much more to offer the world than mine. I was wrong. The whining generation stifles themselves with the inability to cope with the real world, while mine live through the end of the cold war and were able to cope with the grim realities of the world and thrive in a dark angry world. Despite out inability to cope with closeness, relationships, and maturity, we know how to operate in any environment. That’s something that the 1983-1992ers lack. It's the reason they are content with mediocrity. I have many friends from this era and am always amazed when they prove me wrong. But they are the exception.

For the most part these people do not know how to think for themselves. Bright and useful minds go to waste as they are sponges soaking up whatever mainstream token idea masqueraded as different infiltrates their respective minds. Being a green hipster democrat doesn't make you different, it makes you typical. But that is not bad. In fact I would say that being a green hipster democrat is a good thing, but being a green hipster democrat who blindly nods to everything that appeals to their senses without discerning the lies is a bad thing. Not knowing why you like someone but liking them nonetheless and voting for them is dangerous. This will be proven in time.

So I feel sad when I see the next generation. Ask them why they think what they think and they can't even support it with any rationality. Talk politics and they will say they don't want to get into a political discussion or that you are "too political." They are failing, as they put off reality for another day and say to themselves "I will go to grad school since I can't get a job during this recession," while those in their groups who do their own thing stay employed, even meagerly, and take the jobs that the grad scholars will never get, because the HRs of these companies know "delayers" when they see them and wonder why they weren't around two years prior when the job was theirs for the taking. Grad school is great if you need it, but people can read between the lies. Like I said, I am sad. I was hoping that the next generation would prove mine wrong, but they have: they proved we were wrong about them being better than us. We 78-82ers are going to keep things running while the baby-boomers brainwash the future generations... Fuck...

... the 83-92ers are the next hippies and will burn out just as sadly, sullen remnants of a subculture more focused on saving the trees than saving the world.

- I should have my review of Where the Wild Things Are coming soon. I want to wait until some of the hoopla subsides. But I wonder why the hipsters are so into this film. Is there an obsession with things of the past or youth that we somehow assume connects to us? Is this why the hipster feels the need to throw back to certain eras? Dunno. But from what I have read so far, this film is feeding right into their tastes and assumptions.

- Saw Michael Moore's new movie. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Unfortunately, he didn't attack SOME people enough, but he made a noble effort considering when the film wrapped shooting.

- Our president is now deciding to ignore a news network and go on a propaganda campaign to smear it. Has that ever happened before? Anyone with an ounce of intelligence knows that the first sign of a dictator is controlling the media.

- And one more time just to offend someone: Choco-Jimmy.

- Finally I LOVED this article. Greatest thesis on hipster culture ever.

Another Poem

Just one poem tonight and as usual, no title. And this one is definitely not just casual. I had to think hard about it and take insights about life in its translation to poem. I hope at least someone likes it and if not at least gets what I am saying.



Dirt beneath the fingernails rinses away
with the soap of time. Jumping up in the
shadow of a new horizon won't wash away the
nights of useless banter, positing that we
were doing something new and different, when
all we really did was stick to the courses
set by the former slave-drivers that we cloned.

Such emotions rising with the harmonies
of wind, as we swayed beneath the gentle beats
of skies red with the oncoming rain. Looking
up towards the wetness as it washed us, raising
our hands to a new horizon, baking us, and
embedding the dirt into our skins. Braided,
swept up on the momentum of repetition

I guess. What new words have we invented as
new horizons kept the mud intact? What invention?
I'm new. I'm different, something exceptional
I guess. This new horizon, did it clean the
others? Probably not, sister, because you are
just taking the same old picture, looking at the
same sky, jumping into the day like the others.

As we look back east, with our own manifest
tucked into out rucksacks, is it worth it?
Can we hope it? Can it be worth anything?
Loosen your braids, little doggy. This one
is for the people, the traveling, following
people. They still try to keep the horizon
lit as the rain tries dousing mud and flame.

Opinion

Sometimes I am told I am too harsh.

Many people often disagree with what I have to write.

I never ask that you respect my opinion. I never ask that you don't get mad at it. I don't pretend I have more than a small following and that my writing really matters.

But I will never just agree to shut up and take anything. I will never follow the crowd. I will never be more influenced by a decision because an expert thinks so, because most experts are just people who were taught by others who agreed with them.

I think defiance is noble and Christian and I consider myself to be both of those.

Too many people are unwilling to talk politics and are unwilling to have their opinion swayed.

Too many people think the same thing about life they thought when they are teenagers. Too many people are willing to abide by the status quo.

I am willing to point out the things that many people will not because I am low enough on the totem pole of life that it doesn't really matter. I am willing to go against the idea that all of those in authority are right just because a large amount of people believe it.

Too many people rely on their truths to be established by a consensus. There is too little introspection and too much head-nodding. So many people get angry when you go against their established truths. They feel so entitled and heroic by sticking to their guns, even if their guns are faulty pea-shooters.

I guess my large point is that I don't just come up with shit to piss off people when I write here. I take life experience (real life experience, not head-nodding agreement) and I roll with it.

Recently I have written some offensive things on here that I think are true and people have gotten angry with me.

They have gotten angry with my opinion. Instead of considering it, they get angry. That is good. If someone gets angry maybe it means they might think.

Goodnight

The Dumbest Article I have ever read 12

Wow, Roland Martin makes another No Good Scotsman type argument. Not only that, but it has been liberal publications mostly acting like not getting the Olympics is a loss for Obama.


Personally, I think Obama really didn't care and he shouldn't. I think it is good for Chicago and good for Obama.

Call me crazy, but I predict Choco-Jimmy is going to become Choco-Teddy Roosevelt. Weird. I know, but I hope I am right.

Teachers/ Brainwashers Part 2

Upon completion of my entry about Teacher/Brainwashers, I realized there were still some things left unsaid.

Perhaps it is because of the Unionization of most teaching jobs, but as we know, many teachers (especially in large cities) are decidedly leftist. A job is never a right and I don't know how Unions justify retention of employees who have broken the law, but if you watch anything that John Stossel reports about teacher's unions or pay attention to any non-leftist news source, you would believe the nuanced ideas about teachers in America. Why is it that the doctor, who saves lives can be sued so easily, but the teacher who ruins lives for the most part is beyond reproach if he or she is in a unionized position? There is a complaint that teachers don't get paid enough, but when you consider the small amount of hours they work, is it justified?

The sad thing about me typing this, is that as I type it both a family member and one of my best friends are elementary teachers, and good ones who try not to brainwash children. Sadly they are the exception. And another friend of mine is in the hiring process to teach kids English, another noble effort.

But I think only the sickest and perverse of the "progressives" are the ones trying to wash the brains of the youth. I think it mostly happens in high schools and in colleges. But when it is argued that the US is such a bad place, you have to wonder why they would live here...

Many patriotic people ask people who continually complain about the US's policies or actions, "if you don't like it, why don't you leave?" This is a fair question to ask to someone who may be volunteering somewhere or being somewhere where they are supposed to be having fun, but it doesn't apply to jobs and residence (though as I type this, I know people who are so socially inept that they would stay at a party even if they were not having fun just so they can check to see if they will later be tagged in a facebook album from the photos taken). The reason it doesn't apply to jobs or residence is because any hardworking individual who understands the risk of leaving a job in this market would never quit his or her job without knowingly having another job (this is lost on some people I know who have quit their jobs in this economy but have parents who will bail them out of it, despite them being over 30); just ask anyone who has been laid off and is panicking. As for residence, it is extremely difficult for you to reside in another country unless you have already been given a job offer there, and there is no guarentee of permanent residence status in that country. I don't think it is a fair question to ask to most people who just want to change things, but for some people it is a fair question.

If you adopt to social models that some countries currently act out, why try to spread it here? This republic is a democratic one, yet too many people think that a model that has constantly failed will somehow succeed here. They underestimate the average American's knowledge of history. The average American is not one encountered during Leno's Jay-walking sessions. THOSE are mostly people who took the Obama bate hook, line, and sinker and the rest of us suffer for it.

So it is a good question to pose to Dr. Anthro PoliSci-English (hypenated so he could take his wife's name also as to not be a misogynist) who swears that every culture is better than ours, our political system is a failure, and only post-colonial lit should be read in ENGLISH classes. If he hates it so much, why stay here? He has the degrees to put on a resume to teach somewhere else, he loves to travel during his sabbaticals, and he loves the economy of other countries as well as the cuisine. The reason he can't leave is because no one will hire him. Does an English or Belgian university want to hire someone who produces the idiots our universities produce? And further more, can you blame companies both foreign and domestic for hiring people with experience over the defective product that colleges produce?

This whole "everyone else is better and nice than us" garbage is simply old and worn out, so ask your professor if it sucks so bad, why not leave? And many do, but I don't know a single expat who really imbeds himself or herself into that culture. No matter what they still want to be "American" in action, no matter how much they turn it away on the outside.

There is a phrase many of us are familiar with called "Ugly American." The obnoxious ones who hate their country yet still live here are ugly Americans in my book. What is uglier than someone who is eating a slice of the pie and complaining about the taste. As they revel in the proceeds of capitalism that ensures their paycheck, they denounce it.

It goes again with the DAIS&NAID (do as I say and not as I do) crowd. They are the same ones who condemn Joe Wilson for calling C.J. a liar, but all supported the congressmen who heckled Bush. They are the same ones who defened ACORN and Black Panther intimidation, while making up stories about polling offices being blocked in Florida and Ohio. They are the same ones who believe Valerie Plame's nonsense about being outed by Dick Cheney and Scooter Libby, but are cool with the John Adams project and the outing of CIA operatives who engaged in advance interrogation techniques. Worst of all, they are the ones who are cool with the victims of 9/11 being called Little Eichmans, yet will defend the rights of people who killed them. Better yet, they love free speech unless it is Rush Limbaugh and then they want to institute the Fairness Doctrine. My favorite one: call Bush a monkey all you want and condemn him, but if you call C.J. a monkey or even criticize him, it is because you are racist, not that he resembles a monkey but because it has a social context of racism.

Your teachers will try to convince you why everyone should have health care, why your heart should bleed, why you are to blame for all that is wrong in the world, why you should denounce all of your country's actions in the past even though you had nothing to do with them, why even though your parents are paying their salary you should denounce all that your parents taught you, and why you shouldn't work for the government even though they are (mostly) supplemented by it and you probably receive either grants or loans from said government.

Face it, the hypocrisy is evident if you just open your eyes, or maybe people like me need to pry them open for you.