2010 Winter Games: Who Cares? I Don't (A Parody)

(This is written as parody. I am pretending I am a self-loathing, white-guilt ridden hopey changey douche.)

As the Superbowl has just wound down and turned out to be yet another thrilling contest, we move soon to the Olympics.

I will not be watching any of them. It's not for a lack of interest in Winter Sports. I enjoy some of the Winter X games and I like the snow occasionally. I have never gone snowboarding or skiing in my entire life and one day I might, depending on what happens in my life.

But you can't ski without money and you can't snowboard without money. You can't figure skate without money and you definitely can't bobsled without money. This is not to say that if you do winter sports you are automatically rich, but you are not poor. In fact, you have to be a lot above middle class in order to take vacation, let alone afford to go to a ski resort, sipping your hot cocoa and coming your Aryan hair. I have never been to one but I could imagine a lot of smuggery at the resorts. I can imagine it being mostly white upper-class people who rent out a whole lodge and spend a week or more there. But there is nothing wrong with this at all. If you can afford to take such vacations, you should! And I guess, if like other conservatives, you want to own slaves, you should do that to.

But that is my point. Most people just ski or snowboard on vacation. Those with the money and resources to compete in the Olympics are rich, and generally not anyone I would ever talk to. In order to afford the equipment they use as much as they do it, they must be rich. And if you include Bode Miller, they can be pretty obnoxious. While I can root for a football player who is rich, he is good because he is good and likely rose from the depths of the ghetto, not because mommy and daddy paid for ski lessons since he was three. You don't see poor people make it into the Winter Olympics. I don't like the Summer Olympics either, but at least you see some poor ass Africans winning a lot of stuff.

I feel like the Winter Olympics show case spoiled American and Canadian athletes who have never worked a day in their lives. And I guess that is what it comes down to. In Europe, you don't have to be rich to excel at winter sports, because it's nothing to do with social class over there. Here it is like one big capitalist bad-sweater extravaganza.

But even so, with snow sports, if you live in the right area, you can get good at these sports without being rich. So really, I am mostly talking about figure skating. Figure skating is like the uppity sport of all sports. You have to be an ass to want to be a figure skater, that or exceedingly queer.

Whatever, I guess I just don't get off on watching rich folks practice their hobbies on TV. Call me an anti-elitist or whatever.

And oddly enough, I have ice-skated plenty of times, but never with a rhinestone suit.

Poetry

this actually has a title and is dedicated to my girlfriend...

You, Me, Thomas Mars, and Fondue

The splendid second night, filled with poutine
and pizza from some irrelevant sports
bar, where we could see the lines forming as
the night grew even colder. Donned in our
large down jackets and hats over our cold
ears with the drunken scalpers trying to
sell the last tickets the young hipsters who
really thought they'd be able to buy at
the door. We laughed, shivered, as the breezes
blasted us from the back alley, next to
the weird t-shirt shop, "Fucked Up" were the words
plastered under the headlining act. You
could speak your tongue everywhere for a change,
translating for me when my French was too
rudimentary for the onslaught of
shock as strange accents hit my ear. We walked
in and they tore the tickets too much. And
fucking Mamadou couldn't even speak
the language of Montreal when he tried to
get me to stop taking video. Poor
dunce couldn't see I was just taking my
photos really fast. But Mars sang
for us later on and the night became
something magical, as we sang along
to every song. We watched the light and smoke
from the young potheads in the middle, not
able to suppress their stupidity
for a matter of two hours. But it didn't
dampen our spirits, as we held each other
tightly, swaying with every shift in
the songs. Finally, after a show that
obliterated all of out expectations,
the bird from ashes closed with one of our favorites.
Mars sang most of the song, but then jumped
into the audience as I had seen
him do before, and as he got back

to the stage, we all sang together those
last so predicting words, "Fallin', Fallin',
Fallin..." And we left, embracing, filled full
with the glee and magic of a night in
the metropolis, and like a pheonix,
the night was reborn for us, snow was fallin'
outside, and we walked again, deep into
the illuminated night, Christmas lights brighter
than the sun, shining on the thick flakes as
we looked and found a place to eat fondue.

LNAEMO: I Support Keeping "F*ck The Troops" as a facebook group...

Recently I have noticed a lot of people joining a facebook group that is against the hategroup "Fuck the Troops" being a facebook group. While I do not like the sentiments of such a group, I hope that facebook doesn't allow this group to be taken off. While I think that people who are in this group are the typical brainwashed, sheltered, angry, sexually inadequate zombies that used to think that college was a Utopian playground and believed everything a professor ever told them, I also support their right to free speech, even if they have done nothing to earn it.

I don't need to go on about my view of hateful, communistic, America-bashing lunatics who are jealous of the military. I have killed that point several time. That these people are vile is no argument. The military probably wouldn't take them based on their inability to do anything based on their own beliefs and they are probably like those douchebags who decided to go hiking in Norther Iraq and got captured.

See, they live in a world fabricated by those who have no clue how the world really works. I know how the world really works. I know that poverty and hostile governments make people resort to the most sordid things. I don't imagine or pretend to care about the heart and mind of any terroristic asshole and don't think that putting a flower in his rifle is going to make him see the error of his ways. I never watched movies about hippies and imagined them to be anything other than misguided children who wanted to fuck and listen to music. Too many people have to grow up before they get that.

To anyone who says "Fuck the Troops," I just say, "Say it to their face." They have to live behind a facebook group because they are too cowardly to live real lives. While most military members join straight out of high school and are seeing places that these tools will never see, these folks are studying for a semester in Prague that they will talk about for the rest of their lives because it will be their biggest accomplishment.

These folks hate it when anyone who leans right of Stalin has anything to say. You want to get on their nerves? Tell them you will pray for them.

See, recently there has been a lot of stink about Paul Shirley, a blogger who is against providing aid to Haiti because he thinks they put them in the position to have such a catastrophe happen. While I don't see that as a reason why I will not give aid to Haiti, I understand where he is coming from, but on his blog, hundreds of people launched scathing insults against him simply because he disagreed with their views. They cannot tolerate anyone disagreeing with them. This is the fate of those indoctrinated into a culture of zombies who follow whatever the media and academia tells them to do. And just because you disagree with the views of tools like in the facebook group, doesn't mean they aren't entitled to their views.

Too many people cannot stand if you disagree with them, and these people tend to be the same people who would be a member of the "Fuck the Troops" facebook group. Their defense is that they think it is all in the name of corporations making money off of it. Nice, but it simply carries no weight because that is not why the troops join. These folks are jealous. They hate that the troops get parades, welcomes home, hot girlfriends who kiss them when they are getting off the plane. The folks who hate the troops get off the plane and no one is there to meet them, because they are scrawny, angry, non-bathing douchebags carrying their latest copy of whatever Noam Chomsky is writing.

So let them be on facebook, don't even waste your hate or time protesting them. They are so small and weak-minded that they have nothing more than a facebook group. They are entitled to their beliefs and the right to express them. There are plenty of things I disagree with on facebook. In fact, I would say 90 percent of the crap most of my friends post on there just makes me think they are brain-washed zombies too. But I still think they should express what they believe.

You know what? We should fuck the troops! I mean that. I think every girl should find herself a nice single soldier, Marine, sailor, or Airman and give him the night of his life. They are selfless, courageous, and wonderful people. They deserve a good fucking. And to any ladies in the military, watch out, I know a few young guys who are coming out to get you. Leave no member of the military un-fucked.

God Bless America...

Exit Survey

My employer wanted to know what I felt about my job upon leaving. Here is my exit comment from the exit survey.

The involuntary overtime was my main reason for leaving this job. I felt that putting no for overtime didn't matter most days and when we were held for overtime the full work load usually could have been done with just those assigned on shift. This told me that complaints of very rude and obnoxious politicians were more important than my welfare. This also resulted in my gaining weight due to lack of time and resources to exercise. This is counter intuitive to the performance of duty and makes it difficult to seek employment where the job doesn't involved sitting on your butt all day. I have never had a supervisor make sure that I had time to get a meal, go to the bathroom, or when I was coughing, consider that I might be sick. When I called in sick the same day as my girlfriend because we both had swine flu, e-mails started going around saying that we were on a watch list, yet when married couples called out there was no worry. When we were told we had overtime it was way too late to cancel other plans made. It should not be necessary to bring a note or use leave in order to have a medical appointment. One day I had to leave one hour into OT for an appointment and a Chief told me I had to bring in a note even though I wasn't using any leave. This is pure weight swinging and (AGENCY I WORKED FOR) seems to tolerate this. When Chiefs and Supervisors care more about your boots and shaving than the security of the nation, it's a miracle we haven't had another terrorist attack. I had better managers at Burger King when I was in high school and this is by far the most miserable place I have ever worked. I am NEVER sick and used over 20 sick days in my time with (AGENCY I WORKED FOR) because going to work every day felt like sticking needles in my eye. I would go back to (AGENCY I WORKED FOR) at a sea port in the south, but (PLACE FOR WORK) is a hole and Operations thinks we can handle too many assignments and we simply cannot handle them. Either let people have lives or they will continue to leave. I felt like two years of my life were stolen and that my sense of well-being was compromised at this miserable crap hole of a port. This place has gotten progressively worse since I have been here and I don't see it getting better any time soon. I will tell every person I know looking for a job with (AGENCY I WORKED FOR) or with the government in general to not take a job in the Washington/Baltimore area because of the lack of concern they have for us. I will widely disseminate these concerns on the internet as well, because I feel it is warranted. Thanks.

Sure I made a crapload of money but garbage is garbage.

The Coward Monologues 3: Boot

Real person I actually met during the blizzard:

You should have seen the look on the bartender's face the other night when I told him I was going to jump over the bar and fuck him up! He was terrified! I may be small, but I have the killer training the army gave me to not take any disrespectful crap from any nasty civilian. Sure I may have been a little drunk, but I have done something. I graduated bootcamp for the Army and even got my bootcamp medal to prove it! I will be joining my unit as soon as my boot leave is over. I haven't decided which tattoo to get, but I can tell you one thing, it ain't gonna be no sissy shit like these damn liberals in Washington D.C. have. I got stuck in the snow storm this weekend at a damn Sheraton (same place I almost whipped that Wisconsin boy bartender's ass) and all around me were these fucking liberal pukes, all against the war and shit, little realizing that people like me are going to save the world from the likes of Muslim extremism, bad hygiene and sheer faggotry.

I later apologized to the bartender about saying I was going to whip his ass but with the caveat that he better not say nothing about none of us soldiers going to fight for the freedom of people who don't even appreciate it. He told me to fuck off and I was about to go ahead and leave my manners behind me and whip his ass, but my other Army buddy who got stranded there held me back. There was a couple cornfed, looking boys, one of them looked sort of jew-looking and the other looked like a mountain man. They were laughing at me and jollying up with the bartender. I bet they never served nothing but their own food into their mouths. They don't know what I have been through, three months of the hardest work I have ever done. Fuck them, fucking liberal communist terrorist loving ass-clowns.

I swear these people will just never how much we are fighting for their freedom even if I ain't done it yet. I am going to and that is all that counts. Bartending cocksucking, Wisconsin asshole.

The Dumbest Article I Have Ever Read 14: Erin Carlson slurps Anderson Cooper

Well, I don't like rich people. I don't like elitists or smug assholes either. I don't like pretty boy douchebags who hump Choco-Jimmy's rep like rabits.


Therefore I hate Anderson Cooper and look forward to his demise.

This article is stupid in itself but the funniest part and therefore dumbest part is the third word in the second line of the last full paragraph.

Erin Carlson, you are an idiot, a tool, and a leftist moron. Get some sun.

And stop flirting with Cooper because as everyone knows, he likes dick.

Rick Reilly PWNS a Prof

So Rick Reilly apparently didn't listen to his "wise" professors either. Good for him. Probably the best backhanded insult to academia I have ever read.